What to do when unhappy in marriage

Unhappy marriage

It takes two people to couple up and get married,nbut only one to make a relationship better.

Harriet Lerner, PhD

Waiting for your spouse to change first, she believes, is a recipe for unhappiness and potentially divorce.

Here are 10 tips on how to get unstuck in an unhappy marriage:

  1. Talk to your spouse about your feelings, taking responsibility for how you choose to feel about a specific topic and avoiding putting the blame on him or her.
  2. Understand that your outside world is a reflection of your inside world and your relationship is a reflection of your behaviour.
  3. Express your needs clearly(“I need more time with you.” “I need more support and help with household chores and child-rearing.” “I need you to listen to me more.” “I need you to touch me and be affectionate.”) and consider finding out also the needs of your partner. Ideally you both take a need assessment questionnaire and then compare and discuss them in order to harmonize. Click here for a free of charge needs assessment discussion
  4. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs. Consider also other ways of meeting your needs and avoid putting all the expectations on your partner
  5. Ask what your partner’s needs areand what he or she has been feeling about your marriage.
  6. Consider couples counselling or other type of personal development work such as coaching, Rapid Transformation Therapy.
  7. Consider introducing a date night every week where you only focus on each other away from the daily hustles.
  8. In you are being abused in any way, find a safe place to be for you and your children if you have any and find support immediately. Confide in trusted confidantes, like a best friend or a parent or sibling, and ask for whatever support you need to help get through this period, whether it’s a temporary place to stay, babysitting help, temporary financial support, help finding a job, or a shoulder to cry on.
  9. Decide how much longer you’re willing to be unhappy before you accept that it’s time to MOA (move on already), and that happiness is an inside job. You can change as many partners as you want, none of them will bring you happiness unless you work on your inner self first.
  10. Remember that every relationship has ups and downs and that you are not alone in your feelings. Remember that, if your marriage ends, you are not a failure. Remember that, even if you have childrenyour marriage is between you and your spouse and, if you can’t be happy in it no matter how hard you try, it is better to be happy apart.

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