Pregnant and unhappy in marriage

pregnant and unhappy

If you’re unhappy with your husband and marriage – and you’re pregnant – should you stay for the baby’s sake?

Here are a few things to look into:

  1. Address the lack of communication. You’re not going to achieve anything by constantly repeating yourself and arguing the same point.
  2. Find out what the real cause is of your partner or husband’s apparent displeasure – it may not be what he says it is. There may be an underlying, undisclosed problem – particularly if there appears to be absolutely no logical sense to his argument. Also, he may not see it as ‘cool’ to discuss his fears, particularly now that you’re more in need. However, you can only begin to address the problem when you know what it is.
  3. Talk to a trusted person – a professional or a wise, non-judgemental friend in your own environment to off-load and to get a different perspective.
  4. Learn to meditate. You can only really problem-solve if you’re calm. So, if you ever intended to learn to meditate then now is the time. It will benefit your baby too, and help you to stay calm and focussed during the delivery.
  5. Work towards repairing your relationship if you can.
  6. Ensure you meet your essential emotional needs.
  7. Reflect on how you are in this relationship or marriage. You’ll discover exactly what you can do to make the marriage work, and also understand what’s really going wrong and what to do about it. Continue to communicate respectfully at the very least – however difficult at this time. At least you go to bed at night with your dignity in tact.
  8. Focus on what is going well in your relationship (unless you’re in an abusive relationship).
  9. Take responsibility… don’t hand that over to your partner or husband, as in: “If he behaves differently then I’m okay”. That makes you very vulnerable, and don’t forget – you can’t change him anyway.
  10. Get as much support around you as you can. Make no judgements about what people should offer. Some will be good with practical support, some with emotional support, while others will take your mind of your problems by making you laugh. It all helps.
  11. Consider getting professional help.
  12. Aim to attend maternity classes. If you can, go with a friend, or choose a class where partners are not taking part. Don’t skip them – but don’t cause yourself pain, either, by putting yourself in a situation where you have to explain yourself. Equally, you could ask a trusted person to accompany you to any appointments if you don’t want to go by yourself.

Are you hesitant to leave your husband because you’re pregnant, or because you’re scared to be alone, or because you believe your marriage can be saved? Why are you unhappy with your husband? It’s important to figure out what’s keeping you in the marriage – you could be staying for the right reasons, or for the wrong ones.

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